Life with the Hyde's in India. Separation

 

Well this is going to be a hard blog to write, I have been putting it off for weeks, perhaps trying not to admit to myself the situation I am in.

I will tell it as it comes so my apologies if it wonders on occasion.

 

Christine and I are separated, not by our choice but by circumstances despite our best efforts we could not change.

We had to return to the UK unexpectedly as there had been a problem with Christine’s visa. We have never been able to discover what that problem was supposed to be as the Indian authorities had renewed it twice before without any problem.

Christine was suffering from a major chest infection so we discussed it with the head of immigration who agreed to grant an extension for her on medical grounds. We did all the paperwork for this, Dr statements medical diagnosis et cetera et cetera they even interviewed the doctor by telephone to confirm it wasn’t a scam. Everything appeared to go well we never heard of any problems other than the endless delays which is common in Indian bureaucracy. We were both worried about this but the local office told us don’t worry just wait it will get sorted.

The day came that Christine was given a clean bill of health from her consultant and told she was now fit to travel. I must be absolutely clear on this point we did everything required of us produced every form that was asked for and submitted it all to Delhi immigration. We applied for an exit visa which was granted but we had a fee to pay which we assumed was for the medical extension. This was not a planned visit to the UK and it was hard financially question talking here of over £ 4000 in total.

We were lucky that we were able to stay at my daughter’s temporarily whilst we waited for our applications for new visa’s be processed. This is when the problems began.

My Visa was granted with no objections, Christine’s was refused on the grounds that she had overstayed. Now bear in mind we have never applied to these is a different dates or state for different lengths we have always renewed together and been in India on exactly the same dates as each other. We simply couldn’t understand how they had arrived at the conclusion that Christine had overstayed and I hadn’t. We appealed submitting all the dates showing quite clearly that no overstaying had occurred and that both applications were identical in circumstances and detail but only Christine had been refused. Trying to get somebody to actually admit a mistake may have been made was impossible. So we were left with a heartrending decision to make. I didn’t want to come back to India without Christine, in the 13 years we have been married we have never been separated we literally are Chris and Chris a single entity.

With no spare money living day to day was very difficult. We were blessed by having friends and people from the church in Durham who accommodated us for a few days so that we could visit. Weeks had now passed and the decision to return or not had to be made.

One part of me cried out to just give up on India and stay with the woman I love in the UK. Several people suggested we regard this as a long visit and make arrangements for accommodation in the UK. This would have meant giving up everything we have worked for in India, sending Geeta back to her village for a year of no education, emptying the house and giving up the rental. Whether we shipped anything stored it was a detail we never looked at. A good deal of praying holding each other and crying eventually lead to the decision that I would come back and try to cope alone.

Parting at the airport was probably the most painful experience of my life I was completely devastated that I was going back alone. Christine returned to my daughter’s in Stafford to stay with her whilst we tried to come to terms with what had happened.

I arrived in India physically very tired and mentally almost shattered. The first week was vomiting and diarrhoea and a feeling that I could just not go on alone. My Indian sister Dloo (Geeta’s mother) when she heard that I was not well immediately dropped everything and came to help, I cannot bless her enough for this. Family is very important in India her commitment to her elder brother is the same as it would be were we blood -related. It is a tightly linked group. Since I was accepted into the family I have on several occasions shown that I take it seriously and acted as an elder brother within the family. To be clear an Indian family can have literally hundreds of members spreading out over many miles inter related by marriage by birth and by Rakhi as I am. I accept all the responsibilities of an elder brother in the family and my sisters accept responsibility for my well-being in time of need. This has never been shown to me so clearly as on this occasion when I was truly alone.

On at least one occasion I telephoned Christine and told her I just couldn’t cope, I was crying that without her here with me I just couldn’t go on here. I was still quite ill this point not eating properly and feeling incredibly depressed, as Winston Churchill once described his depression as the Black dog following him I knew exactly what he meant. In our past Christine and I have both been victims of depression, if you’ve never been there I can’t possibly explain to you the depths of despair you fall into. Some never recover completely from this, some even commit suicide. Throughout this Christine and I have both fought very hard not to go down that path, not to allow depression into our lives again as it once had been. But it has been hard. And the struggle continues everyday.

Just a note here, where are our friends? Well I can best put it this way they faded into the distance. Several stood up but many came up with I’m just too busy to come and help, sorry. One friend has truly disappointed us, Christine fell out with her over something petty whilst we were in the UK, she has been a guest and a friend in our home many times shared many meals with us but is not so much as enquired since I returned. It’s sad when you discover just how shallow some friendships are, but perhaps it’s better to know the truth than rely on them and be let down.

Well working between us Christine and I have overcome most of the emotional trauma and many of the practical problems. I am fitter and regaining my general health although asthma will always be a problem especially in the monsoon season where chest infections are common.

Geeta has just got over one that had her vomiting and coughing for three days despite antibiotics and lots of cuddles from her mum and I. She has now returned to school but she has missed an awful lot of this term. The thought of sending her back for a year in her village was impossible for both of us. We are the only stability and love she has ever known it would have been a complete betrayal of everything we believe in had we done that.

So to the current situation, Christine is staying in the UK trying to find somewhere to live as cheaply as possible and I am remaining in India with Geeta. Somehow we have got to make one pension support us both, but we will do it as we say to Geeta never give in.

It’s the simple things which are proving to be the most problematic, shopping simply going to the local shops is further than I can walk so any shopping done locally is done by Geeta on her bicycle. Other shopping I am trying to do online and some deliver. I daresay I will learn to deal with these things as time goes by.

We stay in touch by WhatsApp video calling each day and on Sunday when Christine attends Rising Brooke Church in Stafford with my daughter I take part in real-time online so in a sense during this time we are together. I know that when I am sitting here singing in praise of the Lord she is saying exactly the same words only ¼ of a world away there is a closeness that I had not expected in this.

We both know that the next year is going to be very difficult for all of us, Geeta is missing Christine terribly we have tried to explain to her that it may be after Christmas before she gets back but I don’t know if that has really penetrated yet. Every night before she goes to bed she sits on my knee for a bed time cuddle and we say a Little prayer for the Lord to look after Christine and bring home to us as soon as he can.

Neither of us can say what the next year holds for us but we will face it together our love for each other binding us together like an unbreakable rope tied by our faith and our love.

May God bless you all

Chris