Well this
is going to be a hard blog to write, I have been putting it off for weeks,
perhaps trying not to admit to myself the situation I am in.
I will tell
it as it comes so my apologies if it wonders on occasion.
Christine
and I are separated, not by our choice but by circumstances despite our best
efforts we could not change.
We had to
return to the UK unexpectedly as there had been a problem with Christine’s
visa. We have never been able to discover what that problem was supposed to be
as the Indian authorities had renewed it twice before without any problem.
Christine
was suffering from a major chest infection so we discussed it with the head of
immigration who agreed to grant an extension for her on medical grounds. We did
all the paperwork for this, Dr statements medical diagnosis et cetera et cetera
they even interviewed the doctor by telephone to confirm it wasn’t a scam.
Everything appeared to go well we never heard of any problems other than the
endless delays which is common in Indian bureaucracy. We were both worried
about this but the local office told us don’t worry just wait it will get
sorted.
The day
came that Christine was given a clean bill of health from her consultant and
told she was now fit to travel. I must be absolutely clear on this point we did
everything required of us produced every form that was asked for and submitted
it all to Delhi immigration. We applied for an exit visa which was granted but
we had a fee to pay which we assumed was for the medical extension. This was not
a planned visit to the UK and it was hard financially question talking here of
over £ 4000 in total.
We were
lucky that we were able to stay at my daughter’s temporarily whilst we waited
for our applications for new visa’s be processed. This is when the problems
began.
My Visa was
granted with no objections, Christine’s was refused on the grounds that she had
overstayed. Now bear in mind we have never applied to these is a different
dates or state for different lengths we have always renewed together and been
in India on exactly the same dates as each other. We simply couldn’t understand
how they had arrived at the conclusion that Christine had overstayed and I
hadn’t. We appealed submitting all the dates showing quite clearly that no
overstaying had occurred and that both applications were identical in
circumstances and detail but only Christine had been refused. Trying to get
somebody to actually admit a mistake may have been made was impossible. So we
were left with a heartrending decision to make. I didn’t want to come back to
India without Christine, in the 13 years we have been married we have never
been separated we literally are Chris and Chris a single entity.
With no
spare money living day to day was very difficult. We were blessed by having
friends and people from the church in Durham who accommodated us for a few days
so that we could visit. Weeks had now passed and the decision to return or not
had to be made.
One part of
me cried out to just give up on India and stay with the woman I love in the UK.
Several people suggested we regard this as a long visit and make arrangements
for accommodation in the UK. This would have meant giving up everything we have
worked for in India, sending Geeta back to her village for a year of no
education, emptying the house and giving up the rental. Whether we shipped
anything stored it was a detail we never looked at. A good deal of praying
holding each other and crying eventually lead to the decision that I would come
back and try to cope alone.
Parting at
the airport was probably the most painful experience of my life I was
completely devastated that I was going back alone. Christine returned to my
daughter’s in Stafford to stay with her whilst we tried to come to terms with
what had happened.
I arrived
in India physically very tired and mentally almost shattered. The first week
was vomiting and diarrhoea and a feeling that I could just not go on alone. My
Indian sister Dloo (Geeta’s mother) when she heard that I was not well
immediately dropped everything and came to help, I cannot bless her enough for
this. Family is very important in India her commitment to her elder brother is
the same as it would be were we blood -related. It is a tightly linked group.
Since I was accepted into the family I have on several occasions shown that I
take it seriously and acted as an elder brother within the family. To be clear
an Indian family can have literally hundreds of members spreading out over many
miles inter related by marriage by birth and by Rakhi as I am. I accept all the
responsibilities of an elder brother in the family and my sisters accept
responsibility for my well-being in time of need. This has never been shown to
me so clearly as on this occasion when I was truly alone.
On at least
one occasion I telephoned Christine and told her I just couldn’t cope, I was
crying that without her here with me I just couldn’t go on here. I was still
quite ill this point not eating properly and feeling incredibly depressed, as
Winston Churchill once described his depression as the Black dog following him
I knew exactly what he meant. In our past Christine and I have both been
victims of depression, if you’ve never been there I can’t possibly explain to
you the depths of despair you fall into. Some never recover completely from
this, some even commit suicide. Throughout this Christine and I have both
fought very hard not to go down that path, not to allow depression into our
lives again as it once had been. But it has been hard. And the struggle
continues everyday.
Just a note
here, where are our friends? Well I can best put it this way they faded into
the distance. Several stood up but many came up with I’m just too busy to come
and help, sorry. One friend has truly disappointed us, Christine fell out with
her over something petty whilst we were in the UK, she has been a guest and a
friend in our home many times shared many meals with us but is not so much as
enquired since I returned. It’s sad when you discover just how shallow some
friendships are, but perhaps it’s better to know the truth than rely on them
and be let down.
Well
working between us Christine and I have overcome most of the emotional trauma
and many of the practical problems. I am fitter and regaining my general health
although asthma will always be a problem especially in the monsoon season where
chest infections are common.
Geeta has
just got over one that had her vomiting and coughing for three days despite
antibiotics and lots of cuddles from her mum and I. She has now returned to
school but she has missed an awful lot of this term. The thought of sending her
back for a year in her village was impossible for both of us. We are the only
stability and love she has ever known it would have been a complete betrayal of
everything we believe in had we done that.
So to the
current situation, Christine is staying in the UK trying to find somewhere to
live as cheaply as possible and I am remaining in India with Geeta. Somehow we
have got to make one pension support us both, but we will do it as we say to
Geeta never give in.
It’s the
simple things which are proving to be the most problematic, shopping simply
going to the local shops is further than I can walk so any shopping done
locally is done by Geeta on her bicycle. Other shopping I am trying to do
online and some deliver. I daresay I will learn to deal with these things as
time goes by.
We stay in
touch by WhatsApp video calling each day and on Sunday when Christine attends
Rising Brooke Church in Stafford with my daughter I take part in real-time
online so in a sense during this time we are together. I know that when I am
sitting here singing in praise of the Lord she is saying exactly the same words
only ¼ of a world away there is a closeness that I had not expected in this.
We both
know that the next year is going to be very difficult for all of us, Geeta is
missing Christine terribly we have tried to explain to her that it may be after
Christmas before she gets back but I don’t know if that has really penetrated
yet. Every night before she goes to bed she sits on my knee for a bed time
cuddle and we say a Little prayer for the Lord to look after Christine and
bring home to us as soon as he can.
Neither of
us can say what the next year holds for us but we will face it together our
love for each other binding us together like an unbreakable rope tied by our
faith and our love.
May God bless you all
Chris
