Update from India

Hi folks,

just an update on our situation. It is now fairly certain that Christine will not get a Visa this year we have tried everything we can we have appealed we even looked at taking it the Delhi High Court but frankly it was just far too expensive and with no guarantee of a positive outcome we just couldn’t afford the risk. We have both been worried about how on earth we were going to cope so far from each other. I know service personnel spent much longer apart from families but that is the lifestyle they have chosen, this is more like 12 months at her Majesty’s service! With no chance of parole!

Christine and I when we met we both knew we had found our soul mate, we had been corresponding via email for months before that first meeting. The day we met we both knew but neither would admit it. Christine was disabled on crutches overweight and depressed, I had lost all hope in ever finding anybody who would forgive my past and was definitely heading down a dark road towards depression. We are both born again Christians although at that time I had not been baptised. I had given my life to Jesus on a road trip in America, after many years of saying ‘if there is a God prove it’ on Mount Tahoe he did just that. From that moment my life began to change as it says in the Bible my eyes were opened. There was very little we didn’t know about each other good and bad because we had been totally and I do mean totally honest with each other online, no secrets no surprises for later just absolute honesty. The advantage of talking online is that you are anonymous you can lie make yourself out to be something you’re not or you can do as we did be brutally honest before we ever met Christine knew about my very violent past and what I had gone through as a child. She was totally honest about her disability and her continuous pain and the future she faced which drove her towards depression. Neither of us were in a good place in our lives.

We could have been on opposite sides of the world but it turned out that not only did Christine live in a village that I passed through daily on my way to work every day, in fact Christine had been sat behind me in her car waiting at the traffic lights in her village. Was all so weird is that for years our lives had crisscrossed many times but that’s another story.

It may sound crazy, and trust me to me it felt crazy but we did not want to make love until we were married. If you had any idea of my past I don’t know about amazed you will be more like shocked that I should think this way. Christine was not a virgin yet we both felt very strongly that to honour God we had to do this properly.

We were on a visit to Lindisfarne (holy island) the site of the first Christian settlement in England. The little church the is amazing it has a sense of peace and love I have never felt anywhere else.

It wasn’t planned but we both knelt before the altar and swore before God that we would be true to each other and that there would be no other in our lives for as long as we lived. We also asked that if we were doing wrong we should feel a sense of guilt, instead we just felt intense joy that we had committed to each other. A small group in the church who had watched this asked us to join them and we sang hymns with them. When we left we were man and wife in the eyes of God. We found a place to live together and six months later formalised our wedding in church in front of our friends and the legal representative.

It always struck me as strange that whilst most in our church accepted we were married because of our oath before God and witnesses some couldn’t go that far and still regarded us as living together out of wedlock. It didn’t really matter to us because we both knew the truth as did God. From that moment at holy island we have been one entity Kris and Chris. Both friends in the church and outside refer to us as just that, even here in India those that know us well call us Kris and Chris or the Chrisis.

We lived here together very happily for nearly 13 years during that time Geeta joined us. Many of you will know her story but briefly she was horribly burned and dying, my Indian sister Deloo (it’s complicated but we have been accepted into an Indian family as part of that family, quite rare) brought her to see us because she had seen Christine Heal a very nasty burn on my leg, bike an and exhaust kiss and boy this was a big one. Well I had been the typical man and ignored it for a few days so when Christine saw it I not only got shouted at for being stupid but she now had to deal with a yucky mess rather than a simple burn. I was not popular. The good thing that came out of this was that Amber (another sister) saw how bad the burn was and watched Christine heal it. She told Christine that her niece was also burned which she mind looking at her, of course Kris said no problem at all. The next weekend to Deloo turned up carrying this little bundle of wobbly arms and legs thin as a rake with burns that covered her right arm and side some of her back and had completely destroyed her right ear. 

It seems she had been in that condition for over a year! The tribal witch doctors had been treating it by sprinkling it with turmeric and then wiping that off to remove the infected flesh. By the time she got to us bone was showing through at her elbow and she stank of gangrene. We rushed straight to our local hospital who immediately recommended amputation is the only way to save her life. Christine has worked in a burns unit and felt she could do more than just amputate so she came home again to live with us and for the next three or four months Christine changed her dressings and cleaned the wound at least once a day sometimes morning and evening but gradually she got on top of the infection and finally beat it. Geeta would not respond to antibiotics as she had been pumped for of anything and everything on the market she was almost totally resistant only responding to 1 or two externally applied antibiotic creams.

Since then she has grown into a lovely young girl, hard working at school and very polite. We are both incredibly proud of her. She still lives with us because her mother and father both agree that here she will get a good education (she attends one of the best private schools in the state) and a good upbringing which they could not give her in the village. Her father in particular is immensely proud of what she is achieving, he calls her ‘my Little Tiger’ If she returned to the village her future would consist mostly of manual labour. Now she can dream of a career.

And that’s about where we were when we again applied for a visa’s something we had done many times before and never had a problem. This time however the Indian authorities decided that Christine would not be granted a visa because she had overstayed on her last one. Despite feeling and fighting and everything else you know the end result refusal reapply in a year. I referred in my last blog to how that felt for a press so I’m not going to labour the point here.

The first few weeks were very difficult for both of us, I carried back a bug from the UK vomiting diarrhoea and dizziness. I spent the first few nights downstairs on the sofa because I simply couldn’t manage the stairs. Not a single friend called in to help. Deloo now back at the village heard I wasn’t well and bless her dropped everything to come and care for me. Gradually I got better, stronger and am now other than walking any distance okay. When I feel completely recovered I will start gentle exercise to get my body back into some sort of reasonable condition.

There have been times when it’s been incredibly funny. today lunch consisted of a yoghurt a fried egg and bacon sandwich and a plum! Lunch has become a bit of a voyage of discovery, bacon and eggs sandwich on one occasion followed by ice cream with cream biscuits in it. On the whole though the bacon and egg sandwich is leading at the moment as most popular lunch. Breakfast for me is coffee, for Geeta it is inevitably my muesli! I never seem to get the chance to eat any but the level in the box continues to fall for some mysterious reason. I try to make dinner in the evening a proper meal for both of us, tonight for instance we are having chicken breast in a rich garlic sauce with chips and peas. Shopping has been a pain in the butt because of the distance of walking involved, I find it very difficult to go very far at all so we have whittled our shops down to those local shops we use and ones in the local area that we can get to by rickshaw. Backup plan is Amazon!

Geeta has gone out with a friend Jackie fruit and veg shopping today it’s the first time she’s ever been out on her own and Jackie promises to look after her. Heaven knows what were going to get all I said sure was we need some fruit I need a lighter and you need some new lead for your propelling pencil..

Geeta is taking the situation fairly well it helps tremendously that Christine always calls her about 7:30 AM before she leaves for school it seems to help her feel that Chris is still here. I telephone her everyday on what’s app and it gives us time for a private chat. We are also emailing each other when the occasion arises. That way we are both fully informed of what’s happening to each other and can support each other through the hard times.

Gradually we are all coming to terms with the situation as it now is, it’s difficult for all of us we have never been apart before and it physically hurts deep inside.

We are keeping our faith in the Lord, I don’t know why he has chosen this path for us but I will accept that he has and do the best I can not only to keep my faith but to follow what he has laid out in front of us.

Every Sunday Christine attendance rising Brooke Church which is also online live so in a way we are together for that

I know she is singing the same song is I am at the same moment, is a degree of closeness which is really good.

Emanuel Church Durham have supported our effort here in India since we first came. There is a great deal of shock and disbelief that the Indian authorities have done this but of course nobody can do anything other than offer their prayers for which we are eternally grateful. Alan Bell has been a tremendous support to us through all the good and bad he has been there for us I just want to say here ‘May God bless you Alan’.

Friends in the UK have commented asking how is Chris going to manage alone in India with his health problems to look after a house and a little girl? Well I won’t lie the first few weeks were tough and at times I never thought I would get through it but now we seem to have settled into a routine Geeta is being a tremendous help in fact without I don’t think I could manage alone. I have a lady that comes in for two hours a day to do the washing up and dust and do the floors. Believe it or not that is such a tremendous help to be able to keep the house tidy and clean was my biggest worry. Lots of people can’t believe what I’m doing I am at the moment the talk of the colony slowly word is spreading that Christine is stuck in the UK and I am managing on my own with only Geeta to help. Despite all that this weekend we are planting sunflowers beans and tomatoes in our driveway beds. By the way the fruit consisted of watermelon, plums, mango, bananas and oranges. That’s a really nice selection all in season so very cheap. Normal veg we have a huge variety of both homegrown and bought in season veggies. It is something we have always done buy it when its cheap or grow it, things like runner beans which we cannot get here. There were times when I looked at the two freezers and fridge freezer and wondered what on earth we were doing keeping all that veg? Well I sincerely apologise Christine I here  humbly admit you are a genius and I was wrong.

The daily temperatures are beginning to fall as the monsoon passes about half done. We have had a huge rainstorm today with a kick off again during the night if it sticks to the usual pattern. It’s 26° C again today but is expected to fall as low as 24° C by the end of the week so getting nice and cool. The humidity and the heat just sap the energy out of you, things you would happily go and do become a struggle, to give you an idea local doctors recommend between six and 8 L of water per day if you are active. If I drank that much 90% of my activity would be back and forth to the bathroom! I do try to drink plenty though and milk and fruit juices each day. I seem to be losing weight, maybe that’s my cooking… Ha ha.

Well I did say this is just to bring you up-to-date I hope it helps you understand what Chris and I are going through but no matter what we will not repeat not give in and just walk away from this. India, Gita and our home here is our life but it won’t be complete again until all three of us are together.

God bless you all

Chris  9/August

 

 

Life with the Hyde's in India. Separation

 

Well this is going to be a hard blog to write, I have been putting it off for weeks, perhaps trying not to admit to myself the situation I am in.

I will tell it as it comes so my apologies if it wonders on occasion.

 

Christine and I are separated, not by our choice but by circumstances despite our best efforts we could not change.

We had to return to the UK unexpectedly as there had been a problem with Christine’s visa. We have never been able to discover what that problem was supposed to be as the Indian authorities had renewed it twice before without any problem.

Christine was suffering from a major chest infection so we discussed it with the head of immigration who agreed to grant an extension for her on medical grounds. We did all the paperwork for this, Dr statements medical diagnosis et cetera et cetera they even interviewed the doctor by telephone to confirm it wasn’t a scam. Everything appeared to go well we never heard of any problems other than the endless delays which is common in Indian bureaucracy. We were both worried about this but the local office told us don’t worry just wait it will get sorted.

The day came that Christine was given a clean bill of health from her consultant and told she was now fit to travel. I must be absolutely clear on this point we did everything required of us produced every form that was asked for and submitted it all to Delhi immigration. We applied for an exit visa which was granted but we had a fee to pay which we assumed was for the medical extension. This was not a planned visit to the UK and it was hard financially question talking here of over £ 4000 in total.

We were lucky that we were able to stay at my daughter’s temporarily whilst we waited for our applications for new visa’s be processed. This is when the problems began.

My Visa was granted with no objections, Christine’s was refused on the grounds that she had overstayed. Now bear in mind we have never applied to these is a different dates or state for different lengths we have always renewed together and been in India on exactly the same dates as each other. We simply couldn’t understand how they had arrived at the conclusion that Christine had overstayed and I hadn’t. We appealed submitting all the dates showing quite clearly that no overstaying had occurred and that both applications were identical in circumstances and detail but only Christine had been refused. Trying to get somebody to actually admit a mistake may have been made was impossible. So we were left with a heartrending decision to make. I didn’t want to come back to India without Christine, in the 13 years we have been married we have never been separated we literally are Chris and Chris a single entity.

With no spare money living day to day was very difficult. We were blessed by having friends and people from the church in Durham who accommodated us for a few days so that we could visit. Weeks had now passed and the decision to return or not had to be made.

One part of me cried out to just give up on India and stay with the woman I love in the UK. Several people suggested we regard this as a long visit and make arrangements for accommodation in the UK. This would have meant giving up everything we have worked for in India, sending Geeta back to her village for a year of no education, emptying the house and giving up the rental. Whether we shipped anything stored it was a detail we never looked at. A good deal of praying holding each other and crying eventually lead to the decision that I would come back and try to cope alone.

Parting at the airport was probably the most painful experience of my life I was completely devastated that I was going back alone. Christine returned to my daughter’s in Stafford to stay with her whilst we tried to come to terms with what had happened.

I arrived in India physically very tired and mentally almost shattered. The first week was vomiting and diarrhoea and a feeling that I could just not go on alone. My Indian sister Dloo (Geeta’s mother) when she heard that I was not well immediately dropped everything and came to help, I cannot bless her enough for this. Family is very important in India her commitment to her elder brother is the same as it would be were we blood -related. It is a tightly linked group. Since I was accepted into the family I have on several occasions shown that I take it seriously and acted as an elder brother within the family. To be clear an Indian family can have literally hundreds of members spreading out over many miles inter related by marriage by birth and by Rakhi as I am. I accept all the responsibilities of an elder brother in the family and my sisters accept responsibility for my well-being in time of need. This has never been shown to me so clearly as on this occasion when I was truly alone.

On at least one occasion I telephoned Christine and told her I just couldn’t cope, I was crying that without her here with me I just couldn’t go on here. I was still quite ill this point not eating properly and feeling incredibly depressed, as Winston Churchill once described his depression as the Black dog following him I knew exactly what he meant. In our past Christine and I have both been victims of depression, if you’ve never been there I can’t possibly explain to you the depths of despair you fall into. Some never recover completely from this, some even commit suicide. Throughout this Christine and I have both fought very hard not to go down that path, not to allow depression into our lives again as it once had been. But it has been hard. And the struggle continues everyday.

Just a note here, where are our friends? Well I can best put it this way they faded into the distance. Several stood up but many came up with I’m just too busy to come and help, sorry. One friend has truly disappointed us, Christine fell out with her over something petty whilst we were in the UK, she has been a guest and a friend in our home many times shared many meals with us but is not so much as enquired since I returned. It’s sad when you discover just how shallow some friendships are, but perhaps it’s better to know the truth than rely on them and be let down.

Well working between us Christine and I have overcome most of the emotional trauma and many of the practical problems. I am fitter and regaining my general health although asthma will always be a problem especially in the monsoon season where chest infections are common.

Geeta has just got over one that had her vomiting and coughing for three days despite antibiotics and lots of cuddles from her mum and I. She has now returned to school but she has missed an awful lot of this term. The thought of sending her back for a year in her village was impossible for both of us. We are the only stability and love she has ever known it would have been a complete betrayal of everything we believe in had we done that.

So to the current situation, Christine is staying in the UK trying to find somewhere to live as cheaply as possible and I am remaining in India with Geeta. Somehow we have got to make one pension support us both, but we will do it as we say to Geeta never give in.

It’s the simple things which are proving to be the most problematic, shopping simply going to the local shops is further than I can walk so any shopping done locally is done by Geeta on her bicycle. Other shopping I am trying to do online and some deliver. I daresay I will learn to deal with these things as time goes by.

We stay in touch by WhatsApp video calling each day and on Sunday when Christine attends Rising Brooke Church in Stafford with my daughter I take part in real-time online so in a sense during this time we are together. I know that when I am sitting here singing in praise of the Lord she is saying exactly the same words only ¼ of a world away there is a closeness that I had not expected in this.

We both know that the next year is going to be very difficult for all of us, Geeta is missing Christine terribly we have tried to explain to her that it may be after Christmas before she gets back but I don’t know if that has really penetrated yet. Every night before she goes to bed she sits on my knee for a bed time cuddle and we say a Little prayer for the Lord to look after Christine and bring home to us as soon as he can.

Neither of us can say what the next year holds for us but we will face it together our love for each other binding us together like an unbreakable rope tied by our faith and our love.

May God bless you all

Chris